MLS realtor-speak translation service.

Did you know that professional realtors use a super-secret code system to communicate hidden info to other realtors? It’s sort of like the way bees dance in elaborate patterns to communicate with other bees.

Do you know what they really mean when they say ‘nicely appointed‘ or ‘just paint and profit‘?

Imagine the advantage you would have in this hot market if you could decode these messages and reveal the hidden truthiness within.

Well now you can!

vancouvercondo.info proudly presents
The MLS realtor-speak to english translation guide! (episode 1)

When the listing says:

Pride of Ownership!

They Mean:

Current owner may have marked his/her territory by urinating in some corners of the property. Thats what that smell is. Its definately not rodents, so don’t worry about that.

When the listing says:

Cute! or Cozy!

They Mean:

Take off your shoes before entering the apartment, because there’s not enough room to bend over and undo your laces once inside.

When the listing says:

Just paint and profit!

They Mean:

Unit is unliveable, get in and out of this deal before the market crashes.

When the listing says:

Huge! or Spacious!

They Mean:

You can’t touch all the walls at the same time! There will be room for your shoes!


When the listing says:

Nicely appointed!

They Mean:

Condo is decked out with interior finishes that were all-the-rage in 1981. Unit comes with free flock of seagulls album on audio-cassette tape.


When the listing says:

Ground Level or Garden Level

They Mean:

Condo is in the basement. There are spiders. But they dont bite. much.

When the listing says:

Good Investment!

They Mean:

You shouldn’t have to subsidize your renter by more than $2000 per month for this apartment. There is no bubble. Negative cashflow investing is where its at! This condo will be worth a staggering 3 MILLION DOLLARS by 2010.

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Anonymous
Guest
Anonymous

LOL! Nice!you forgot about "motivated seller" which means "make an offer because I've priced it way over market value to see what I can get and its been sitting for months.

stuckinburnaby
Guest
stuckinburnaby

Awesome post!

CSB
Guest
CSB

oh man this is hilarious!

dingus
Guest
dingus

"Not a drive by" = given the neighbourhood it's remarkable by not having been hit by stray bullets.

Gianni33
Guest
Gianni33

INVESTOR ALERT = you wouldn't want to live hereRECENTLY RENOVATED = we put laminate floors inNICELY UPDATED = we put laminate floors inLISTED FOR $X LESS THAN LAST UNIT SOLD = Someone got ripped off / New assessment on the building, get me out of here.RECENT ENVELOPE UPGRADE = leaky condoTHIS IS NOT A LEAKY CONDO = yet

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