Chuck Norris and Vancouver Facts

Bubble blind Canadians are amazed at the asking price for the Dallas home of Chuck Norris.

Yes, Vancouver, there are places you can get a decent home for $1.2 million.

You’d have to make do with just 4 bedrooms and 8 bathrooms in just over 7,000 square feet.

There’s a theater, a gym, a pool. You know, the basics.

Chuck Norris House

 

Of course, what it doesn’t have is Vancouver.

And for those that don’t know, here are a few Vancouver facts courtesy of reader crikey

Vancouver fact #20:
In Vancouver you can ski, surf, swim, and spend eight hours in the Emergency Room waiting to see a doctor to treat your hypothermia — all in the same day!

Vancouver fact #56:
Vancouver’s property salepeople’s tears can cure cancer. Its a shame that none of them will ever have reason to cry, since Vancouver home prices are only ever going to go up.

Vancouver fact #106
Vancouver could shrink its abundance of rainy days if it *really* wanted to. But Vancouver chooses to allow so much crummy weather every year because it is being ironically hip.

Vancouver fact #66
Children in Vancouver seldom bother to buy chewing gum. There is no point do doing so, because everybody knows that some fundamental laws don’t apply to Vancouver, bubbles cannot ever form in Vancouver.

Vancouver fact #27
Vancouver is home to the greatest Wizards in on Earth! Harry Potter and Gandalf look like rank amateurs compared to Cam Good, a Wizard/salesperson who once put a group of Vancouver property salespeople in a yellow helicopter and magically transformed them on the evening TV news into well-monied overseas investors scouring the city for purchases. More recently, the Wizards at ‘MAC Marketing Solutions’ took two unrelated employees with different nationalities
and magically turned them, on various leading nightly TV new broadcasts, into sisters whose wealthy parents were buying into the condominium market — from the selfsame building MAC was marketing!

Vancouver fact #28
Vancouver real estate journalists are wary of accusations that they are helping pressure locals into buying by publicizing a real estate marketing narrative that rich overseas customers are about to snap up all new developments coming up for sale. They graciously invite anybody to send their concerns in a bright red envelope to: “Golden Double Lucky Comments, Box 888, Realty Journalists Association, Vancouver”.

Vancouver fact #103
So many cities are now using the ‘World Class’ moniker to describe particular attributes or initiatives related to their cities, that the expression has become passe. Cities that want others to think their humble little burgs are really happening are now using the term, ‘Vancouver Class’.

Vancouver fact #40
Contrary to popular belief, Vancouver does not have a thriving population of bonafide homeless, beggars, and drug addicts. They are in fact all very talented and convincing actors paid very well to give the city an exciting ‘edge’.

Vancouver fact #41
Vancouver is so overwhelming rich that, all its social and economic problems having long since been solved, recently over half a billion dollars ($563 million) was absentmindedly thrown at buying a new stadium roof with expensive features that few citizens particularly wanted. To give it a familiar Vancouver feel, the newly completed roof included various leaks, as is a longstanding expensive tradition in Vancouver building and condominium projects.

Vancouver fact #9
Unlike most of their counterparts around the world, Vancouver’s real estate professionals pander to *nobody* and are extremely skilled with numbers. Recently, for example, the Vancouver real estate board’s crack team of objective data analysts even found a mistake in Vancouver’s census figures — and clarified that the population of Vancouver is NOT 650,000 but it is actually 888,888 .

Vancouver fact #26
Angels up in Heaven hope and pray that when they die they will go to Vancouver — and qualify for a $1 million dollar bank mortgage on a starter tear-down “character” stucco box in the seedier part of the city’s East side.

Vancouver fact #10
Much like any other peasant that doesn’t live in Vancouver, Albert Einstein was obsessed with the city. For example, he was in fact explaining the Vancouver media’s universal real estate reporting philosophy when he famously said, “Imagination is more important than knowledge”.

Vancouver fact #63
The term “Wet Dream” was actually originally concocted to describe the perfect paradise that is Vancouver’s many, many rainy days of the year. More recently, the phrase “Every Person’s Wet Dream!” nearly beat out “Best Place on Earth” as motto for the province’s longrunning advertising campaign.

Vancouver fact #104
Vancouver is part of one of the highest child poverty rates in Canada. But that is only because everybody in Vancouver is so very rich that a number of children in family-owned million-dollar homes are counted as living in poverty. It is a testament to the success of the government assistance programs that many of these same poor rich children, in million dollar homes and receiving government assistance, miraculously turn their lives around by the time they hit driving age and are able to procure luxury European cars.

Vancouver fact #22
Vancouver will never, ever be visited by Chuck Norris. If such a conjoining of greatness did not cause a rift in space-time, at the very least it would leave onlookers depressed and suicidal as they realize there is nothing even remotely as amazing left to look forward to in life.

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lulzy
Guest
lulzy
frank
Guest
frank

Or you could buy this gem for $175,000 more. Truly we have entered the twilight zone.

http://www.ecorealtyinc.ca/listing?id=260252655

yvr2zrh
Member
Good morning Vancouver – Hope you all enjoyed the weekend. One thing that I don’t think that the media has picked up on much over the past week is the article about Canadians and their wealth. There was an article that Vancouver was the highest net worth in Canada. However – – you can see we certainly are not diversified. 83% of the Wealth of Vancouver residents is due to Real Estate Values. Given the net worth of approx 600K per household, this means that Vacouverites have an average household wealth outside of their house of approx 100K – this is not good. That can not be good as the next generation of us will not have sufficient incomes / liquidity to buy out those real estate assets. Looking over the past year, those of us who held diversified portfolios,… Read more »
George
Guest
George

The property Frank is linking to, when compared with Chuck Norris’ mansion in Texas, is a perfect candidate for Crack Shack or Mansion (someone should make a part 3 to that).

You could have a crack shack on Granville Street for $1.375 million or a mansion with a pool in Texas for $1.2 million

http://life.nationalpost.com/2013/07/24/chuck-norris-walker-texas-ranger-mansion-on-the-market-for-1-2-million-probably-a-dollar-for-every-roundhouse-kick-that-took-place-there/

jesse
Member

Matt Damon lists $20 mill Miami estate, sets sail for CA
http://blog.sfgate.com/ontheblock/2013/04/26/matt-damon-lists-20-mill-miami-estate-sets-sail-for-ca/

Not sure if he made any money off it, but heck $20Mill is a bit more than $1.2Mill. I can think of three reasons why it’s more expensive.

Kratos
Guest
Kratos
@yvr2zrh That’s the problem. Americans also had great net worth in 2007 just before the RE crash. Now of course people say Vancouver RE will never crash. I still hear the refrain from friends that they want to ‘build equity’ by buying a starter condo. Over the weekend, I was driving around town and saw all these for sale signs on condos in Vancouver and Burnaby. Each building had at least 7-8 signs hanging on their post with maybe 1 or 2 sold or more frequently, none). Prices haven’t come down yet because people are still of the mindset that RE prices always go up and they can’t lose money on their investment. Meanwhile, the S&P500 is up almost 20% YTD and people are missing out on other ways to make money (btw, I am not a speculator in stocks… Read more »
Interest Only
Member
Interest Only
The problem with that reddit column is that when real estate sinks 40% no one will want it, everyone will be convinced it is a dangerous investment. It will be on sale, the cash flows will be justified, and the sentiment will sour. This epitomizes human greed and fear. Just like a year ago when real estate had peaked, everyone wanted in. Now people say, “It isn’t falling but not that much, so I guess it is still kind of safe”…. It will continue to fall further. Then when people are crushed and realize that a crack shack in Burnaby for $700,000 is ridiculous when their household income was $100,000, no one will want real estate – at that point it will bottom. And remember, Texas real estate isn’t cheap, Vancouver is ridiculously expensive. Average household income should be at… Read more »
jesse
Member
yvr-zrh: ” this means that Vacouverites have an average household wealth outside of their house of approx 100K – this is not good” I remember hearing an actuary come on the radio and state that he thinks the usual “Canadians aren’t saving enough” refrain is misplaced for most Canadians. Why? He said Canadians for the most part have decent retirement benefits and pensions through schemes such as OAS, GIS, CPP, often private/public pension plans, and caps on health care costs. That doesn’t mean those with higher incomes shouldn’t save to fund better lifestyles in retirement, but the populace’s general inability to save isn’t necessarily a social failure: they will get a meagre stipend in retirement. And for homeowners in Vancouver specifically, whether they realise it or not, they have accepted lower earnings on their investment in lieu of future earnings… Read more »
Best place on meth
Member
Best place on meth

“Why China’s Liquidity Crisis Could Lead to a Perfect Storm in the US Bond Market”

http://www.minyanville.com/business-news/markets/articles/Why-China2527s-Liquidity-Crisis-Could-Lead/7/29/2013/id/51022?camp=syndication&medium=portals&from=yahoo&refresh=1

China may be approaching a “Minsky moment” — a sudden fall in asset values bloated by credit.

Credit growth in the world’s most populous country has outstripped economic expansion for five quarters, raising the question of where the money has gone, Societe Generale SA economist Yao Wei wrote in two recent reports. In the first quarter, for example, bank loans, shadow banking credit and corporate bonds together accelerated more than 20% year-over-year, while gross domestic product grew less than half that much. The gap has been widening since early 2012.

Yao says the answer to where the money is going is a growing “debt snowball” which doesn’t contribute to economic activity. The result is both companies and the public sector face burgeoning interest expenses.

snake
Guest
snake
look out below, or not
Guest
look out below, or not

http://slopeofhope.com/2013/07/unusual-put-activity-in-xhb-spdr-homebuilders.html

“The question remains, why would someone or some people open up fresh put positions after XHB has fallen from 31.00 to 29.61 (see the 6 month chart below)? The 6 month chart does look good for additional downside. Notice how weak the MACD is. If you look at the 12 month chart below, you will see actually XHB is in a giant topping pattern with a neckline around 28.00 and a target around 24.00. My guess is the new puts are gunning for the breakdown from the topping pattern”.

Turkey
Guest
Turkey
I know bizarre Craigslist postings are not a scarce commodity, but whhhuh? $2000 Office space available in a house, 4 bedrooms plus living room (Commercial Drive/ Hastings Sunrise) We have a house that is for sale and we want to keep it clean and available for showings for some evenings and weekends. It is completely empty right now and we need to rent it to keep up with the expenses. It has four bedrooms and a kitchen that could be used for coffee or tea and lunches. We want to keep the place clean and tidy that is all we request. Will do a month to month lease but looking for someone for a temporary gig. $2k/mo. for “office” space in a house that’s for sale, and isn’t zoned for the purpose, and will have strangers (possibly with light fingers)… Read more »
M-
Member

@ Turkey #13:

Good find, I got a laugh out of it! If they’re looking to sell the place, then why would you want a *business* moving in there? Normally you want to stage the place to make it look like a really nice *home*. You don’t want it to look like some stale office.

Besides, what “business” would move into an office for such a short period of time? Only a brothel. Or a start-up business. But they don’t have money– that’s why they’re usually called “home businesses.” They start out of somebody’s home. Why a start-up home business would fork out that kind of money for a temporary home location is beyond me.

But I guess that’s why it’s just another example of the bizarre on CL.

franko
Member
Active Member
franko

@Bpom…#9

Great link!
I read it 3 times and it got scarier each time.
Sounds like the world is only beginning to stumble out of the QE meth trip that it has been high on for 5 years. A long transition to higher rates is just a small part of the road back to reality.

BWilson
Guest
BWilson

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/home-and-garden/real-estate/location-of-this-vancouver-studio-unit-made-it-a-quick-sell/article13463127/

Bought in 2008 for $281k sold in 2013 for $297k yet the globe comments “It’s located in the trendy Main Street neighbourhood, where prices have soared in recent years.”

Really? +1.11% annualized over 5 years and likely a slight loss after PTT + legal + realtor.

5 year return on S&P 500 in CAD is +50% and if you picked the bottom in 2009 it’s +117%

Who still thinks real estate is the way to generate wealth?

oneangryslav2
Guest
oneangryslav2
@BWilson. These real estate moguls made out even worse than it seems. From the article: The previous owners had undertaken a tasteful renovation to the kitchen, bathroom and laundry area, says Mr. Feldstein. So, let me get this straight, Mr/Ms Globe and Mail “reporter”, prices have soared over the last five years, yet after spending thousands (10K, 20K?) on a “tasteful renovation” of pretty much the whole apartment (given that it is a studio), they were only able to “make” an annualized return of 1.1%? And people wonder why the economy is hurting? We haven’t even taken into account that, at 2008 rates, the “owners” were paying more to live in that apartment than equivalent rental value. But I’ll bet they’re bragging to their friends that the “made” almost 20K on the sale of their apartment. Just like the professional… Read more »
canadian
Guest
canadian

#12 turkey I think a perfect business would be a crack stash house.All they would need for equipment in there would be a microwave for cooking the coke and most of the business is done at night,and most of the customers live in that area.

Anonymous1
Guest
Anonymous1

China may float its currency.

They are currently suppressing it.

1.3 Billion will get twice as rich (in Canadian Dollars) OVERNIGHT.

Will that affect RE here?

Best place on meth
Member
Best place on meth

Let me put it this way, if China floated it’s currency and it suddenly became worth twice as much overnight then 90% of Chinese factories would close overnight and no Chinese products would be loaded onto any ship anywhere.

That would be awesome but sadly I think the yuan would just as likely “sink” if they decided to “float” it.

paulb
Member
Active Member

New Listings 210
Price Changes 111
Sold Listings 154
TI:17983

http://www.paulboenisch.com

Best place on meth
Member
Best place on meth

Oh my god, we’ve lost 18K!

The crash isn’t going to happen!!

(just thought I’d pre-empt the douchebag trolls)

FATHER
Guest
FATHER

I was renting a 15 year old whole house for 3000 & just downsized to a 16 year old basement with 1700 sf of space & is nice with jaccuzi can’t even hear the upstairs folk fully airconditioned for 1500 so my total savings are 1500 rent lawn care, heat, gas, cable and internet brings the total to over 2000 save all that money let us say for 3 years when interest rates go back to norm, I will have a extra 72000 + with investing it with my broker why buy now when I can rent and save save save gee life is good poor bull’s stuck in one asset waiting and waiting for it to get even more expensive while I am diversied and roll’n in the dow

Real Estate Canary
Guest
Real Estate Canary

111 price reductions!!!!
Sellers are getting anxious.
Sell now, or be left holding the bag.

crikey
Guest
crikey

Sshhhh! If word gets out as to what $1 million gets you in all other parts of Canada and the US (like Chuck Norris’ Dallas home), Vancouver is liable to run out of suckers… er, I mean *savvy investors*!

I mean, there must be good reasons for such a reasonable price in Dallas. Dallas probably has crummier year-round weather, rains more often there then Vancouver… right?
And, is the state of Texas resource-rich like Alberta, hmm?

Son of Ponzi
Guest
Son of Ponzi

Does anyone know if one can buy earthquake and flood insurance in Richmond?
Thanks.

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