YOU can GET RICH in REAL ESTATE!

Are you ready to become so INCREDIBLY RICH that you no longer have to adhere to the standards and conventions of ‘civilized’ society? Are you TIRED of eeking out a day-to-day existence while you can smell THE REEK OF WEALTH all around you? Would you like to be able to walk through the mall without any pants and be so EXCESSIVELY WEALTHY that no one can utter a word about your pantless state, lest you unleash your personal squadron of vicious attack lawyers destroying their lives and reputations?

Well NOW you CAN!

Yes! Thanks to the MIRACLE of BOUNDLESS increases in PROPERTY VALUE you can now become a MULTI-MILLIONAIRE by investing in real-estate. And the best thing about it? This process requires NO EXPENSIVE COURSES OR SPECIAL EQUIPMENT. You don’t need any special skills or knowledge – In fact, you don’t even need a brain! THAT JUST HOW EASY IT IS!

Here’s how its done:

1) buy real-estate
2) sell real-estate (for more than you bought it for)
3) repeat and profit!

This SIMPLE MONEY-MAKING PLAN will see you swimming in your own personal GOLDEN BATHTUB filled with 50 dollar bills within a week. Within a month you will have SO MUCH MONEY coming in that you can hire people to MAKE MONEY FOR YOU. Within a year you will be so RICH, so INCREDIBLY WEALTHY that you will be able to buy yourself a SOLID GOLD SPHERE THREE HUNDRED MILES IN DIAMETER!

You will have the power to BUY AND SELL other people for your own amusement. Earth will be your playground and all that hear your name will COWER IN FEAR. So what are you waiting for? GET RICH NOW!

Why am I sharing my MONEY MAKING SECRETS with you? Because I care. I know that you personally have the RIGHT STUFF to dominate the globe and I want you to SUCCEED. And just to show you my generosity, my utter lack of personal greed or selfish motivation, I have just the thing to get you started. It’s a small leaky condo on the east side and it can be your stepping stone to UNLIMITED MIND-BOGGLING RICHES.

And because I care about you, I’m starting the bidding at only $600k. You can email offers to me at vancouvercondo.info@gmail.com

Bubble-talk in the Ottawa Citizen

The mainstream media is starting to impinge on the territory of the crazy unwashed blogger.
This article in the Ottawa Citizen seems to be fairly balanced and could be interesting for anyone wondering about the bubblicious state of real-estate around the world, particularly in vancouver. Some interesting numbers at the end as well, I wasn’t aware that average prices in Sidney Australia had dropped 16 percent since 2003. Clearly this must be a typo. Everyone knows real-estate never loses value.

Someone needs to remind the mainstream media to stay away from stories like this. This kind of talk should be left to loony bloggers and conspiracy theorists.

Spice up your MLS listing with glowing adjectives!

So it looks like the real-estate market in vancouver is slowing.. Maybe this is just a summer lull, but what if you’ve got a house, townhome or condo for sale? How can you stand out and get your listing noticed? use THE POWER OF ADJECTIVES!

Adjectives are a powerful sales tool when used properly, magically turning your cramped leaky one bedroom condo into a palace that potential buyers will fight over, poking each other with sticks as they thrust sweaty fistfuls of money at you.

Lets look at an example – lets say the property you have for sale is your typical FTBB (first time buyer bait). Its around six hundred square feet in size and faces a major street. It has granite countertops, an open but small kitchen/dining/living room and a 4×5 storage room. The building had some leak issues in the past, but repairs were done. The suite faces south letting a lot of sun in during the day turning it into a hothouse. A straight forward listing might look like this:

Ground level 600 sq ft. 1 bedroom condo. Loud and hot, but not currently leaky. Open to offers.

Ok. Sure that’s straight-forward, but it sure isn’t going to move your property right? So lets drop in some of those glowing adjectives. It almost doesnt matter which adjectives you choose, or how accurate they are – they just need to be POSITIVE! and make the condo sound FANTASTIC! Use relative opinion-based terms like GIANT! BRIGHT! and QUIET! No one will sue you for a little creative elaboration. Sure it’s hard to sleep with the traffic, but compared to trying to sleep on the tarmac underneath a running 747 its QUIET, and its GIANT if you compare it to a breadbox. It’s also good to throw in promises of the purchase bringing the buyer PRIDE and JOY! So lets have another go at that listing shall we?

Be the envy of all your friends! Gorgeous, beautiful home with amenities galore! This HUGE 600 sq ft garden level condo is BRIGHT and QUIET. FANTASTIC central location with easy access to transportation! Gleaming granite countertops and open kitchen PERFECT for entertaining. Extra room could be home-office or 2nd bedroom in this SOLID reliable building. Act fast, this one won’t last!

So there you go. Just a few glowing adjectives and a little creative stretching of the truth – this will get them in there to look at the place, now all you’ve got to do is get all of your personal belongings out of there and rent some tiny furniture to make it look bigger. Hire a proffesional home stager to really do this right. After all you’re not selling a condo, you’re selling a DREAM!

Lower Mainland Real-estate – Buyer Beware?!

According to this article on CKNW – Vancouver’s hot real estate market is creating conditions where the buyer must beware, particularly in the condo market. Really?? You mean prior to this you could blindly stumble into a purchase costing several hundred thousand dollars, not do any research and be just fine?

That from mortgage consultant Peter Kinch after some real estate developers have been told to stop selling condos thanks to allegations of duplicate sales and missing deposits.

Kinch says potential buyers are too often focused on buying quickly instead of doing more research, “There’s this pending sense of ‘If I don’t get in now, prices are going to keep rising and I’d better get in now.’ People are hearing stories of all their friends who have made so much money in real estate and they’re jumping on the bandwagon and I think these are the individuals that are becoming the most vulnerable.”

..ok, fair enough, but who’s fault is that? I mean sure, interest only loans and the constant blare of real-estate marketing may help to create conditions where people feel the need to buy something they can’t afford to buy before they are unable to afford it, but come on! Just where is the line between someone dumb enough to leap into a deal that they haven’t checked out, but smart enough to be able to sign their name?